POPE FRANCIS’ TIPS TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK. Beautiful and must read for all engaged and married couples!

POPE FRANCIS’ TIPS TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK. Beautiful and must read for all engaged and married couples!

With more than 12,000 engaged couples gathered in St. Peter’s Square during Valentine’s Day of 2014, Pope Francis gave them all some tips on what it takes to make a marriage work. Happy reading to all engaged and married couples!

  1. DAILY JOB & JEWELERS: Marriage is a daily job and couples must be willing to become “jewelers”.

“Marriage is also a daily job. We could even say it’s like craftsmanship.
In a way it’s like being a goldsmith, because a husband makes his wife more of a woman, and she in turn should make her husband a better man.
Growing together in their humanity, as man and woman.”

  1. LIFE-LONG COMMITMENT TO BE WORKED ON DAILY BY THE SPOUSES.

But unlike any other job, marriage is a life-long commitment. But this shouldn’t scare couples, said the Pope. It’s something they work on together, day by day. 

“Love is something that comes about. It’s a reality that grows. As an example, we could even say that it’s like building a home. You build a home together, not alone!”

  1. ROCK OF MARRIAGE SHOULD BE TRUE LOVE WHICH COMES FROM GOD AND NOT FEELINGS:

He then added you can’t base a marriage on just feelings. Rather it must be based on something concrete and solid: love.

But what do we mean by “love”? Is it only a feeling, a psychophysical state? Certainly, if that is it, then we cannot build on anything solid. But if, instead, love is a relationship, then it is a reality that grows, and we can also say by way of example that it is built up like a home. And a home is built together, not alone! To build something here means to foster and aid growth. Dear engaged couples, you are preparing to grow together, to build this home, to live together forever. You do not want to found it on the sand of sentiments, which come and go, but on the rock of true love, the love that comes from God. ..You can’t base a marriage on feelings that come and go. Bur rather on the rock of true love, the love that comes from God.”

  1. QUALITY COUNTS AND NOT ONLY DURATION.

A good marriage, he said, isn’t just a marriage that lasts. It’s also about quality.

[D]ear engaged couples, “forever” is not only a question of duration! A marriage is not successful just because it endures; quality is important. To stay together and to know how to love one another forever is the challenge for Christian couples.”

  1. ASK JESUS TO MULTIPLY YOUR LOVE:“GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY LOVE”. NECESSITY OF PRAYER AMONG MARRIED COUPLES.

You can’t forget to pray. The Pope the couples some advice, based on the ‘Our Father’ prayer.

The Lord can multiply your love and give it to you fresh and good each day. He has an infinite reserve! He gives you the love that stands at the foundation of your union and each day he renews and strengthens it. And he makes it ever greater when the family grows with children…. Ask Jesus to multiply your love. In the prayer of the Our Father we say: “Give us this day our daily bread”. Spouses can also learn to pray like this: “Lord, give us this day our daily love”, for the daily love of spouses is bread, the true bread of the soul, what sustains them in going forward. When we pray the ‘Our Father’ we say: Give us this day our daily Bread. When it comes to marriage, we can say: Give us this day, our daily love.”… This is the prayer for engaged couples and spouses. Teach us to love one another, to will good to the other! The more you trust in him, the more your love will be “forever”, able to be renewed, and it will conquer every difficulty.”

  1. THREE IMPORTANT PHRASES WHICH SHOULD BE OFTEN REPEATED BY MARRIED COUPLES AND IN THE FAMILY: MAY I? THANK YOU. I’M SORRY.

Being in love means saying three phrases more often than not. They are: May I?  thank you and I’m sorry.” 

Living together is an art, a patient, beautiful, fascinating journey. It does not end once you have won each other’s love… Rather, it is precisely there where it begins! This journey of every day has a few rules that can be summed up in three phrases…MAY I? THANK YOU. I’M SORRY. …

MAY I? This is the polite request to enter the life of another with respect and care. One should learn how to ask: may I do this? Would you like for us to do this? Should we take up this initiative, to educate our children in this way? Do you want to go out tonight? … In short, to ask permission means to know how to enter with courtesy into the lives of others. Pay attention to this: to know how to enter with courtesy into the lives of others.

THANK YOU!: In your relationship, and tomorrow in married life, it is important to keep alive the awareness that the other person is a gift from God — and for the gifts of God we say thank you! — we must always give thanks for them. And in this interior attitude one says thank you to the other for everything. Do we know how to say thank you? As engaged couples and soon as a married couple, it’s important to acknowledge that your spouse is a gift from God. When you receive a gift from God, you say Thank You.”..

I’M SORRY: Let us learn to acknowledge our mistakes and to ask for forgiveness. “Forgive me if today I raised my voice”; “I’m sorry if I passed without greeting you”; “excuse me if I was late”, “if this week I was very silent”, “if I spoke too much without ever listening”; “excuse me if I forgot”; “I’m sorry I was angry and I took it out on you”… We can say many “I’m sorry”s every day. In this way, too, a Christian family grows. We all know that the perfect family does not exist, nor a perfect husband or wife… we won’t even speak about a perfect mother-in-law. We sinners exist.

  1. FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS. LEARN HOW TO LOVE THE SPOUSE WITH HIS DEFECTS WITH THE IDEA TO HELP HIM/HER IMPROVE.

But the Pope also gave a warning: Nobody is perfect. So the key to happiness, he said, is forgiveness.

“We all know there is no such thing as the perfect family or a perfect husband or wife. I won’t even mention a perfect mother in law…It’s us who do exist, sinners. Jesus knows us well and He tells us a secret: Never let the day end, without apologizing.”

  1. MAKE YOUR WEDDING DAY UNFORGETTABLE

Part of talking about marriage, is planning the wedding itself. The Pope gave some advice about making the day unforgettable. 

“Make sure it’s an authentic celebration, because marriage is a celebration. It’s a Christian celebration, not a worldly one. Imagine having a party sipping some tea? No way, without wine there’s no party.”

Love, patience, understanding and prayer. Once you say ‘I do’ said the Pope, you can’t cross your arms and wait.  Because marriage is work…. and a life long commitment. 

***

Dear friends, LET US ENTRUST ALL THE MARRIED COUPLES AND FAMILIES TO THE HOLY FAMILY OF NAZARETH! JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH, MAKE ALL THE FAMILIES IMAGES OF YOUR FAMILY WHERE LOVE, PATIENCE, UNDERSTANDING, FORGIVENESS AND PRAYER REIGN! HELP ALL THE MARRIAGES AND FAMILIES WHO ARE IN MOST NEED SO THAT PEACE, UNITY AND RECONCILIATION MAY PREVAIL. AMEN.

 

-Fr. Rolly Arjonillo, priest of Opus Dei. CATHOLICS STRIVING FOR HOLINESS. We are also in Facebook: www.facebook.com/CatholicsstrivingforHoliness Hope you like our page and invite your friends as well to do so in order to help more people.

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Below is the complete text of Pope Francis’ Address to the Engaged Couples Preparing for Marriage given in St. Peter’s Square on Feb. 14, 2015.

****

ADDRESS OF POPE FRANCIS TO ENGAGED COUPLES
PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE
Saint Peter’s Square
Friday, 14 February 2014

The fear of “forever”

Nicolas and Marie Alexia, a young engaged couple from Gibraltar, asked: “Your Holiness, many today think that life-long fidelity is too challenging; many feel that the struggle to live together may be beautiful, enchanting, but it is difficult, even impossible. We ask you for a word to enlighten us on this”. The Holy Father responded:

I thank you for your witness and for the question. Let me explain to you: they sent me these questions ahead of time… you know… and so I was able to reflect and think of an answer that is a little more solid.

It’s important to ask yourself if it is possible to love each other “forever”. This is a question that must be asked: is it possible to love “forever”? Today so many people are afraid of making definitive decisions. One boy said to his bishop: “I want to become a priest, but only for ten years”. He was afraid of a definitive choice. But that is a general fear that comes from our culture. To make life decisions seems impossible. Today everything changes so quickly, nothing lasts long. And this mentality leads many who are preparing for marriage to say: “we are together as long as the love lasts”, and then? All the best and see you later… and so ends the marriage. But what do we mean by “love”? Is it only a feeling, a psychophysical state? Certainly, if that is it, then we cannot build on anything solid. But if, instead, love is a relationship, then it is a reality that grows, and we can also say by way of example that it is built up like a home. And a home is built together, not alone! To build something here means to foster and aid growth. Dear engaged couples, you are preparing to grow together, to build this home, to live together forever. You do not want to found it on the sand of sentiments, which come and go, but on the rock of true love, the love that comes from God. The family is born from this plan of love, it wants to grow just as a home is built, as a place of affection, of help, of hope, of support. As the love of God is stable and forever, so too should we want the love on which a family is based to be stable and forever. Please, we mustn’t let ourselves be overcome by the “culture of the provisory”! Today this culture invades us all, this culture of the temporary. This is not right!

How, then, does one cure this fear of the “forever”? One cures it day by day, by entrusting oneself to the Lord Jesus in a life that becomes a daily spiritual journey, made in steps — little steps, steps of shared growth — it is accomplished through a commitment to becoming men and women who are mature in faith. For, dear engaged couples, “forever” is not only a question of duration! A marriage is not successful just because it endures; quality is important. To stay together and to know how to love one another forever is the challenge for Christian couples. What comes to mind is the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves: for you too, the Lord can multiply your love and give it to you fresh and good each day. He has an infinite reserve! He gives you the love that stands at the foundation of your union and each day he renews and strengthens it. And he makes it ever greater when the family grows with children. On this journey prayer is important, it is necessary, always: he for her, she for him and both together. Ask Jesus to multiply your love. In the prayer of the Our Father we say: “Give us this day our daily bread”. Spouses can also learn to pray like this: “Lord, give us this day our daily love”, for the daily love of spouses is bread, the true bread of the soul, what sustains them in going forward. And the prayer: can we practice to see if we know how to say it? “Lord give us this day our daily love”. All together! [couples: “Lord give us this day our daily love”] One more time! [couples: “Lord give us this day our daily love”]. This is the prayer for engaged couples and spouses. Teach us to love one another, to will good to the other! The more you trust in him, the more your love will be “forever”, able to be renewed, and it will conquer every difficulty. This was what I thought I would like to say to you, responding to your question. Thank you!

Living together: The ‘style’ of married life

This question was asked by Stefano and Valentina, two young people from Ciociaria. “Your Holiness, every day life together is beautiful, it gives joy, and support. But it is a challenge to face. We believe that we need to learn how to love one another. There is a “style” of life as a couple, a spirituality of daily life that we want to take on. Can you help us in this Holy Father?” The Pope responded:

Living together is an art, a patient, beautiful, fascinating journey. It does not end once you have won each other’s love… Rather, it is precisely there where it begins! This journey of every day has a few rules that can be summed up in three phrases which you already said, phrases which I have already repeated many times to families, and which you have already learned to use among yourselves: May I — that is, “can I”, you said — thank you, and I’m sorry.

“CAN I, MAY I?” This is the polite request to enter the life of another with respect and care. One should learn how to ask: may I do this? Would you like for us to do this? Should we take up this initiative, to educate our children in this way? Do you want to go out tonight? … In short, to ask permission means to know how to enter with courtesy into the lives of others. Pay attention to this: to know how to enter with courtesy into the lives of others. It’s not easy, not easy at all. Sometimes, however, manners are used in a heavy way, like hiking boots! True love does not impose itself harshly and aggressively. In the Fioretti of St Francis we find this expression: “For know, dear brother, that courtesy is one of the attributes of God, for courtesy is the sister of charity, it extinguisheth hatred and kindleth love” (Ch. 37). Yes, courtesy kindles love. And today in our families, in our world, which is frequently violent and arrogant, there is so much need for courtesy. And this can begin at home.

“THANK YOU”. It seems so easy to say these words, but we know that it is not. But it is important! We teach it to children, but then we ourselves forget it! Gratitude is an important sentiment! Do you remember the Gospel of Luke? An old woman once said to me in Buenos Aires: “gratitude is a flower that grows on a noble ground”. Nobility of soul is necessary so that this flower might grow. Do you remember the Gospel of Luke? Jesus heals ten lepers and then only one returns to say thank you to Jesus. The Lord says: and the other nine, where are they? This also holds true for us: do we know how to give thanks? In your relationship, and tomorrow in married life, it is important to keep alive the awareness that the other person is a gift from God — and for the gifts of God we say thank you! — we must always give thanks for them. And in this interior attitude one says thank you to the other for everything. It is not a kind word to use with strangers, to show you are polite. You need to know how to say thank you in order to go forward in a good way together in married life.

The third: “I’M SORRY”. In life we err frequently, we make many mistakes. We all do. Wait, maybe someone here has never made a mistake? Raise your hand if you are that someone, there: a person who has never made a mistake? We all do it! All of us! Perhaps not a day goes by without making some mistake. The Bible says that the just man sins seven times a day. And, thus, we make mistakes… Hence the need to use these simple words: “I’m sorry”. In general each of us is ready to accuse the other and to justify ourselves. This began with our father Adam, when God asks him: “Adam, have you eaten of the fruit?”. “Me? No! It was her, she gave it to me!”. Accusing the other to avoid saying “I’m sorry”, “forgive me”. It’s an old story! It is an instinct that stands at the origin of so many disasters. Let us learn to acknowledge our mistakes and to ask for forgiveness. “Forgive me if today I raised my voice”; “I’m sorry if I passed without greeting you”; “excuse me if I was late”, “if this week I was very silent”, “if I spoke too much without ever listening”; “excuse me if I forgot”; “I’m sorry I was angry and I took it out on you”… We can say many “I’m sorry”s every day. In this way, too, a Christian family grows. We all know that the perfect family does not exist, nor a perfect husband or wife… we won’t even speak about a perfect mother-in-law. We sinners exist. Jesus, who knows us well, teaches us a secret: don’t let a day end without asking forgiveness, without peace returning to our home, to our family. It is normal for husband and wife to quarrel, but there is always something, we had quarreled… Perhaps you were mad, perhaps plates flew, but please remember this: never let the sun go down without making peace! Never, never, never! This is a secret, a secret for maintaining love and making peace. Pretty words are not necessary… Sometimes just a simple gesture and… peace is made. Never let a day end… for if you let the day end without making peace, the next day what is inside of you is cold and hardened and it is even more difficult to make peace. Remember: never let the sun go down without making peace! If we learn to say sorry and ask one another for forgiveness, the marriage will last and move forward. When elderly couples, celebrating 50 years together, come to audiences or Mass here at Santa Marta I ask them: “Who supported whom?” This is beautiful! Everyone looks at each other, they look at me and say: “Both!”. And this is beautiful! This is a beautiful witness!

The style of celebrating marriage

The last question was asked by Miriam and Marco, a young engaged couple from Massa Carrara, “Your Holiness, in these months we are preparing for our wedding. Can you give us some advice on how to celebrate our marriage well?”. The Pope answered:

Make it a real celebration — because marriage is a celebration — a Christian celebration, not a worldly feast! The Gospel of John points to the most profound reason for joy on that day: do you remember the miracle at the wedding in Cana? At a certain point there was no more wine and the celebration seemed to be ruined. Imagine drinking tea at the end of a celebration! No, it’s not good! There is no party without wine! At Mary’s suggestion, in that moment Jesus reveals himself for the first time and gives a sign: he transforms water into wine, thus saving the wedding feast. What happened in Cana 2,000 years ago, happens today at every wedding celebration: that which makes your wedding full and profoundly true will be the presence of the Lord who reveals himself and gives his grace. It is his presence that offers the “good wine”, he is the secret to full joy, that which truly warms the heart. It is the presence of Jesus at the celebration. May it be a beautiful celebration, but with Jesus! Not with a worldly spirit, no! You can feel it when the Lord is there.

At the same time, however, it is good that your wedding be simple and make what is truly important stand out. Some are more concerned with the exterior details, with the banquet, the photographs, the clothes, the flowers… These are important for a celebration, but only if they point to the real reason for your joy: the Lord’s blessing on your love. Make it so that, like the wine in Cana, the exterior signs of your celebration reveal the Lord’s presence and remind you and everyone present of the origin and the reason for your joy.

But there is something that you said that I would like to address immediately because I do not want to let it slip away. Marriage is also an everyday task, I could say a craftsman’s task, a goldsmith’s work, because the husband has the duty of making the wife more of a woman and the wife has the duty of making the husband more of a man. Growing also in humanity, as man and woman. And this you do together. This is called growing together. This does not come out of thin air! The Lord blesses it but it comes from your hands, from your attitudes, from your way of loving each other. To make us grow! Always act so that the other may grow. Work at this. And thus, I don’t know, I am thinking of you that one day you will walk along the streets of your town and the people will say: “Look at that beautiful woman, so strong!…”. “With the husband that she has, it’s understandable!”. And to you too: “Look at him and how he is!…”. “With the wife he has, I can understand why!”. It’s this, reaching this point: making one another grow together, one another. And the children will have the inheritance of having a father and a mother who grew together, making each other — one another — more of a man and more of a woman!

SOURCES:

Video: https://youtu.be/rwNa7rY5oCg
Summary (with my modifications, phrases, bold letters and titles are added to facilitate better reading): http://www.romereports.com/pg155798-pope-francis-list-of-tips-to-make-a-marriage-work-en
Address: http://w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/speeches/2014/february/documents/papa-francesco_20140214_incontro-fidanzati.html

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4 replies »

  1. Amen. I always these information in my mind and make it my daily guide on living a good husband and father to my two kids. I once cheated on my wife and now making our live better by being a better person a better man through the help of my wife.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. All your words have touched the very vore of my being, which tells me God is speaking to us so potently and lovingly and so definitively anf firmly at thr same time… We Praise and Thank. the Lord for Hus ever loving ptrsencr to teach and guide us through our Good Shepherd on earth!!! Praise the Lord forevermore!!!!!!!! God bless you too, Pope Francis.. We love you as our earthly father to guide and lead us in this world of darkness into the light of Jesus our Saviour!

    Liked by 1 person

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HUMILITY: NECESSARY TO PLEASE GOD. St Peter the Apostle speaks to us of the need to be humble if we are to please God. “Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble, 1 Pet 5:5.” Nothing can separate us from God as much as pride. • A heart that is filled with self-love has no room for God. • The holiness we seek can be summed up in the words that John the Baptist spoke of Christ: “He must increase, but I must decrease.” Our Lord's life must increase within us until we become "other Christs", and our intellect and our will, our powers and our affections, all we are and all we do, become entirely his. • Humility is essential if we are to achieve complete self-giving, and if we are to become channels by which God's grace can reach mankind. As St. Josemaria wrote: “Let us be humble. Let us seek nothing but the glory of God. Our life of silent and hidden self-giving should be a constant act of humility. Humility is the foundation for our whole life, the means and prerequisite for our effectiveness. Pride and vanity might attract us to the vocation of a Chinese lantern, which shines and sparkles for everyone to admire, but which lasts only one night and then goes out, leaving no trace behind. Vita vestra est abscondita cum Christo in Deo. (Your life is hidden with Christ in God. What God thinks, not what other people think, is what matters.” These words of St. Josemaria light up our whole life. • Without humility, everything we do would be sterile. If we allowed self-sufficiency and pride into our interior life, dialogue with God would be impossible. • In our apostolate, which should be based on friendship, pride would put a barrier between us and others, and make it impossible for us to help or understand them. • Our cheerfulness also depends on our being humble, because it is humility that enables us to lead an authentic existence, in which we aim to serve God and others, but without being worried about appearing less than perfect, and without letting our faults upset us. “Humility prevents us from becoming discouraged at our own faults. Our Father God knows what kind of clay w
BLESSED POPE PAUL VI ON MAY, THE MONTH OF MARY. “The month of May is … a month which the piety of the faithful has long dedicated to Mary, the Mother of God. Our heart rejoices at the thought of the moving tribute of faith and love which will soon be paid to the Queen of Heaven in every corner of the earth. For this is the month during which Christians, in their churches and their homes, offer the Virgin Mother more fervent and loving acts of homage and veneration; and it is the month in which a greater abundance of God's merciful gifts comes down to us from our Mother's throne. We are delighted and consoled by this pious custom associated with the month of May, which pays honor to the Blessed Virgin and brings such rich benefits to the Christian people. Since Mary is rightly to be regarded as the way by which we are led to Christ, the person who encounters Mary cannot help but encounter Christ likewise. For what other reason do we continually turn to Mary except to seek the Christ in her arms, to seek our Savior in her, through her, and with her? To Him men are to turn amid the anxieties and perils of this world, urged on by duty and driven by the compelling needs of their heart, to find a haven of salvation, a transcendent fountain of life.” Blessed Pope Paul VI, Enc. Mense Maio, nn. 1-2 CSFH PHOTO of La Virgen y el Niño, by Armando Pareja
ST. JOSEMARIA ON THE HOLY EUCHARIST Jesus has remained within the Eucharist for love... of you. He has remained, knowing how men would treat him... and how you would treat him. He has remained so that you could eat him, so that you could visit him and tell him what's happening to you; and so that you could talk to him as you pray beside the Tabernacle, and as you receive him sacramentally; and so that you could fall in love more and more each day, and make other souls, many souls, follow the same path. (The Forge, 887) The humility of Jesus: in Bethlehem, in Nazareth, on Calvary. But more humiliation and more self-abasement still in the Sacred Host: more than in the stable, more than in Nazareth, more than on the Cross. That is why I must love the Mass so much ('Our' Mass, Jesus...) (The Way, n. 533) When you approach the Tabernacle remember that he has been awaiting you for twenty centuries. (The Way, 537) There he is: King of Kings, and Lord of Lords, hidden in the Bread. To this extreme has he humbled himself through love for you. (The Way, 538) Jesus has remained in the Sacred Host for us so as to stay by our side, to sustain us, to guide us. And love can only be repaid with love. How could we not turn to the Blessed Sacrament each day, even if it is only for a few minutes, to bring him our greetings and our love as children and as brothers? (Furrow, 686) Go perseveringly to the Tabernacle, either bodily or in your heart, so as to feel safe and calm: but also in order to feel loved... and to love. (The Forge, 837) Keep struggling, so that the Holy Sacrifice of the Altar really becomes the centre and the root of your interior life, and so your whole day will turn into an act of worship — an extension of the Mass you have attended and a preparation for the next. Your whole day will then be an act of worship that overflows in aspirations, visits to the Blessed Sacrament and the offering up of your professional work and your family life. (The Forge, 69) Build up a gigantic faith in the Holy Eucharist. Be filled with wonder before this ineffable reality. We have God with us; we can receive him every day and, if we want to, we can speak intimately with him
TOMORROW IS THE FIRST FRIDAY OF THE MONTH (MAY 4, 2018). SHORT PRAYER OF CONSECRATION TO THE SACRED HEART. Sacred Heart of Jesus, filled with infinite love, broken by my ingratitude, pierced by my sins, yet loving me still, accept the consecration that I make to You, of all that I am and all that I have. Take every faculty of my soul and body, and draw me, day by day, nearer and nearer to Your Sacred Side, and there, as I can bear the lesson, teach me Your blessed ways. Amen.
GOD CALLS US ALL TO HOLINESS AND HE WILL GIVE US THE GRACE TO LIVE BY OUR MISSION. LET US HAVE RECOURSE TO THE SOURCES OF HIS GRACE. Pope Francis recently reminded us in Gaudete et exultate of our divince vocation to holiness. Yes, you and I as well, for "This is God's will, our sanctification" As such, we must not be afraid of holiness, but rather desire and strive for it, absolutely certain that God will provide us the graces we need in the means He has put within our reach: prayer, sacraments and sacrifice.Let us then have frequent recourse to the sources of His grace. Mother, Help of Christians, pray for us! Fr. Rolly Arjonillo.
SACRED HEART OF JESUS: SHORT PRAYER OF CONSECRATION.
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